


In My Blood

by SuperSam



Series: Songfics [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Gen, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts, and then make it WORSE from there, in which i project a lot onto one of my favorite characters, it's got a hopeful ending tho i think, it's sad owo, mentally ill swap sans is my life force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 02:58:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14439993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperSam/pseuds/SuperSam
Summary: "Sometimes I feel like giving upBut I just can'tIt isn't in my blood"





	In My Blood

**Author's Note:**

> lookit me writing songfics instead of the incomplete fic that i should really finish

_" Help me, it's like the walls are caving in." _

He couldn't breath. He knew he was probably supposed to be doing things, but all he could focus on was how small the room was.

_" Sometimes I feel like giving up" _

The pocket knife he always carried felt unbearably _present._ It was all he could do to take it out of his pocket and kick it across the room, under his bed where he didn't have to think about it anymore.

_" But I just can't, it isn't in my blood." _

He forced himself to breath. Inhale, exhale, slow enough that he wouldn't hyperventilate. For now, he just needed to breath, and everything and everyone else could just wait.

_" Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing." _

A week had gone by. Not much had changed. Someone was banging on the bathroom door, but he could hardly hear it. They could break it down for all he cared. He was too exhausted to move.

_" I'm overwhelmed and insecure, give me something" _

Everything had been too much. Too many pitying stares. Too many indulgent smiles. Too many worried questions. He needed a break, and he was just going to lie on the floor until the world stopped being so tiring.

_" I could take to ease my mind slowly." _

Somebody had suggested something once that he couldn't quite recall. Antidepressants? All he could remember was brushing it off, because "The Magnificent Sans can handle anything!"  
He regretted it.

_" Just have a drink and you'll feel better." _

Alphys kept trying to convince him to visit that bar in Hotland, no matter how many times he told her he didn't drink. 

_" Just take her home and you'll feel better." _

His friends kept trying to set him up on dates, despite his insistence that he wasn't looking for a relationship right now.

_" Keep telling me that it gets better." _

Everyone kept telling him to just push through it, that he would be okay.

_" Does it ever?" _

He didn't believe them.

_" Help me, it's like the walls are caving in." _

He felt trapped, and there was nowhere he could escape to.

_" Sometimes I feel like giving up, no medicine is strong enough." _

He was likely beyond saving at this point.

_" Someone help me. I'm crawling in my skin." _

His own mind had turned against him ages ago, fighting him every day.

_" Sometimes I feel like giving up,but I just can't. It isn't in my blood." _

He wasn't ever the kind of person to go down without a fight, though. Whatever it took for him to force himself through life, he would do it.

_" It isn't in my blood." _

No matter what it took.

_" I'm looking through my phone again, feeling anxious." _

He was shaking. He wasn't sure what he had said, but Alphys had stopped responding all of a sudden, and it was probably his fault.

_" Afraid to be alone again, I hate this." _

He needed someone's company. Maybe the café was still open.

_" I'm trying to find a way to chill, can't breathe, oh." _

He needed to calm down before he could leave, though.

_" Is there somebody who could help me, it's like the walls are caving in." _

That put him in an impossible situation, though. He needed to leave to calm down, but he needed to calm down before he could leave.  
He settled for going to the backyard for a bit.

_" Sometimes I feel like giving up, no medicine is strong enough." _

He dug his fingers into his leg, _hard,_ just to have a sensation to focus on.

_" Someone help me. I'm crawling in my skin." _

He had a feeling like static in his head, and he hated it.

_" Sometimes I feel like giving up" _

There wasn't any way he could describe this other than wanting to be _gone._

_" But I just can't, it isn't in my blood. " _

He still had things he wanted to do with his life though. He couldn't give up now.

_" It isn't in my blood." _

Maybe he couldn't be better yet, but he could at least be alive, and that would have to be enough for now.

_" I need somebody now. I need somebody now." _

He needed help.

_" Someone to help me out. I need somebody now" _

He couldn't do this alone anymore.

_" Help me, it's like the walls are caving in." _

He needed to find someone, because the longer he sat out here alone, the more it felt like the whole mountain they were trapped in would collapse right on top of him.

_" Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just can't, it isn't in my blood" _

He was going to find someone to spend some time with before he did something he wouldn't even have the chance to regret.

_" It isn't in my blood. It isn't in my blood. " _

He'd start by surviving tonight, and then the next day would come after that.

_" I need somebody now. It isn't in my blood." _

He could deal with everything else later, for now he just needed to make it through tonight.

_" I need somebody now. It isn't in my blood" _

This life had a lot to offer, and he would be part of it. No matter how hard it was.

**Author's Note:**

> HE'S GONNA BE FINE I SWEAR  
> anyway ive been listening to "in my blood" for like a day straight  
> follow me on tumblr for not much of this but a lot of shitposting at theradicalace.tumblr.com


End file.
